Wednesday, October 29, 2008
We haven't carved pumpkins in years but this year I felt a little urgency to go and buy a few so we could have one last family carving before the family is separated next year. I get a little sad thinking about it but I have to face the fact that this is my last year with family at home. Cory will be getting married this year and making his own family memories and Hannah will be heading to college somewhere. Amber has already flown the coop to Bowling Green and I'm starting to feel an urgency to grab all the memories I can this year with them. I know, in reality, that we will all still be making memories but it seems like the times of having more than one kid around at a time are fleeting by quickly. When I move to Atlanta next year, I will be experiencing empty nest almost immediately. I'm hoping that Hannah will come and be there for awhile until she leaves for college but she is starting to show signs of wanting to hold onto Colorado and establishing her independence and I'm not sure I want to let go of her just yet.
I've always told myself that my job as a mother is to make my children independent of me. To teach them to fly on their own. I think I've done that but it's still scary to let them out of the nest. I feel like I've missed a little bit of teaching along the way and I want to protect them from mistakes and trials. But with growing up comes a lot of learning and that learning can only be done when they are out flying on their own. I hope I've gotten them prepared for what lies ahead but I know that I will always be there to guide them along until they have found their way. So for now, this year, I hope I can cram a few more memories in while I can. I hope they will be somewhat cooperative and humor me with their time a little. It's been a weird year, that's for sure, but I can't sit around moping about being away from Russ and miss these last few memories with my kids. The time flies by so quickly and these moments will be gone before I know it.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
I've made another trek to Georgia this week and as I reunite with my husband each month during this VERY WEIRD year, I'm struck by the fact that when we are together, I feel complete again. The bible talks about in Genesis how a man should leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. The "two become one" is commonly used in marriage ceremonies but even though it was used in mine, I didn't really understand the concept of that until much later. At what point does that happen? Was it when we had kids? Was it after a year? Two years? I can't really say when it happened for me, but all I know is somewhere along the way in those 25 years, it has happened and it's become more evident to me this year as we are separated for weeks at a time. Russ is truly my "better half" and he is very much interwoven into the essence of "me" and what makes me complete. When he left in May, I felt like I was walking around in a daze. I didn't know how to function "alone". It becomes more evident to me when we are reunited and I find that I am sleeping better, I'm feeling more confident and I find myself smiling again. Several people commented to me at church Sunday that they could tell I was happier that day. I told them I was going to see Russ the next day. I always say, "I found my smile" when I'm back with him. I've avoided going to several social functions this summer/fall with the church folks because I don't like that "alone" feeling I get when I'm around the church group. We always went to everything together and so when I attend those things it just pronounces the fact that I'm not with Russ right now and so for me, it's easier to stay home and pretend that he's just out in the yard working. Silly, I know but I guess we all find our own ways of coping with changes. I've found my smile this week though and hope that time will pass quickly this year so that I can once again feel like a "complete person" beside the love of my life, Russ. What can I say....I just love the guy and life is a much happier place sharing it with him.
Thursday, October 09, 2008
It's been an especially beautiful fall this year in Colorado. The weather has stayed nice up until now and we've had blue skies and sunshine most of the month. I hope to take a drive this weekend and check out the aspens. I've heard they are exceptionally beautiful in Cripple Creek area. It will be lonely making the drive alone this year since Russ and I usually go for a few hikes to enjoy the beauty of the season. How I long to go for a long walk through the woods with him this weekend. He says that the trees in Georgia are starting to change now so I'm hoping with my next visit we will be able to enjoy the beauty of the season with a few hikes in Peachtree. It's hard to believe we've made it through almost five months apart now. I'm learning a lot with him gone. This week I winterized the house and learned how to drain the sprinkler system, caulk the windows and mulch the plants. (all things that Russ normally does). I was told when we started this that I would find that I have more strength than I ever knew I had. I guess if I have to look at the bright side of things, I'm learning a lot about myself and I've grown to appreciate Russ even more with all that he's done around here for years. Fall is Russ's favorite time of year and it's sad to not be out sharing it with him. I'm feeling a little melancholy that this could be my last fall in Colorado myself and I know that I will miss the beauty of the aspens. My first year here I was sad to not see more colors than yellow all around since my falls in northern Ohio and Indiana were always full of hues of red, yellows and oranges but I grew to love the look of the golden trees throughout the state. I will miss it here. Colorado has been one of my most favorite places to live. It's a place I've always dreamed of living and now that I've lived here, it will be hard to leave. I try to have an open mind though and I'm sure I will grow to love Georgia too once I get moved there. Just being back together with Russ makes anyplace feel like home.